DiaryMayDec2005

Diary May 2005 - December 2005

May 12, 2005
Okay... I go to the gym with B.T. right?! We took his car because it's a rental and, well if a car gets smashed up it might as well be the rental. I had a great workout and was feeling pretty good. So we went back to the comedy condo and got cleaned up and decided to head out to get some food because we were both pretty hungry. I suggested that we take different cars because we were going to be going to different places after the lunch was over. Cool so far? Well, we start driving and I immediately notice that my steering is more difficult than it normally is. I pause to think that this may be because I worked out pretty hard, but this was ridiculous. I then thought that maybe the belt had slipped off and the power steering wasn't working because of that. But then I thought that the engine would be making a different noise. and wouldn't be running as well as it was. Thank God that B.T. had to get some gas. I followed him into a gas station and got out to check out my car. By the way I wasn't so much mad that the power steering wasn't working, but that the AC hadn't kicked in. I pulled the lever on the inside of the car to pop the hood and then stepped out of the car. I walked around to the front of the car, reached between the hood and the grill and pushed the release lever. I grabbed the hood and lifted it up and was going to grab the prop rod when I noticed a rather large rodent caught up in the belt system on my car. It looked at me... bared it's teeth and then hissed. I immediately dropped the hood back down.

Okay... why is there a possum in my engine? I propped the hood up again and once again was greeted by the hissing of an angry possum. This mug was huge. I mean huge. And mad... and stuck. I'm going to spare you the rest of the details of what happend except to say that some random man in a white van who did not work for animal control, strapped on some big-a leather gloves reached into my engine, grabbed the possum by the neck and got him out of my car. Lucky for the possum because animal control in VA Beach is slow. I wouldn't have believed it unless I'd been there either. The show was great by the way.

May 14, 2005    I was playing Texas Hold 'em with Tammy Pescatelli and Brian, the manager of the Funnybone in Virginia Beach. Tammy is playing in one of those celebrity poker tournaments and needed to freshen up on her Texas skills. I hope she does all right. She's very cool. The shows went well although the second show was probably the toughest show all week. We celebrated Tammy's birthday with a cake and a song. The entire audience sang happy birthday to her after she finished her set. It was cool. I had a possum in my car! Anyway, I had a blast working with her. Hope to do it again soon.

May 23, 2005
I went up to Washington D.C. last week to perform in their open mic competition. It was pretty cool because the winner of the competition gets a chance to perform again for the chance to win a trip to L.A. to emcee for a week at the Improv in Hollywood. Pretty cool huh? Well I didn't win. I came in second place. Bummer huh? If any of you know me you know how I feel about comedy competitions. I'm no real big fan of them. I use them for the opportunities that they are. The opportunity to get in front of people that can get me booked in their clubs. I think that anyone that goes into a comedy competition with the expectation that they will win and hangs their hopes and dreams on any one particular contest is setting themselves up for a disappointment of gigundus proportions. Hopefully the booker saw me, liked my stuff and wants me to come back to the club to work. That's all I hope for. Winning the competition would be gravy on the taters.

I had a pretty relaxed weekend. I went to the Bone and met Bob Saget and the feature act James Johan. I think that's his last name. Either way he's funny. When you look at the picture of me and Bob on my photos page, just realize that some 'hot' chick asked to see my camera before I took the picture with him and got chicken grease all over the lens. Consequently, the pictures came out very fuzzy. I've go to get ready to do this showcase for Heffron Talent in Charlotte, N.C. on Wednesday. Hope they give me some work! Anyway, I'm going to workout! I'll holler at y'all later.

May 26, 2005    It took me about 5 hours to get to Charlotte, N.C.. When I got to the Comedy Zone down there I was a little tired and frazzled because, even though I was an hour early, for me that's cutting it a little too close. I went into the club and found the manager, Steve, who was fixing a problem with the sound system. I introduced myself and was a little shocked to find out that he had no idea who I was. Not because I'm somebody, but because I figured that he would know who was on his show and I was on his show. Or was I? He had to do a little calling around to find out if I was supposed to be on the show or not. I knew I was supposed to be on the show and after 5 hours of driving to do a guest set I was going to be on the show, one way or another. But fortunately the problem was averted. I met the headliner, the emcee and the feature act (Averell Carter from Newport News, Virginia) and then tried to relax. I realized after a short while that  neither of the people that I wanted to see me perform were there yet. I asked and was told that both of them would be there soon and not to worry because they would see my set. The emcee went up and they were not there. He introduced me and they were not there. I performed and they were not there. I finished my set and they were still not there. They didn't come. I was disappointed and a bothered that I'd driven 5 hours to do 7 minutes and didn't get seen. By the way, I'm back in Richmond which means that I had to drive 5 hours back. That's 10 hours of driving (for my muse)!!!!!   I was assured that word would get back to the folks in charge of how my show went (smashing by the way) and that my trip was not in vain. I was told to call around 4:30 to see what the story is. It's 4:27 now... I'll let you know how it goes.

Update
Okay!!!!!! I've updated the pictures and I'll be updating the diary and the schedule tomorrow. To all of those still checking in to see what's going on... Thank you!

Odyssey

June 28, 2005
I'm sitting in the public library updating my website. As you'll notice I've put up quite a few pictures and I've also updated my show schedule. I'm trying to concentrate on working as I only have another 20 minutes to work on this. I'm trying very hard not to punch the people next to me in the face. They're talking like they were in a bar. You're at the library people!!! Why don't the librarians sush people anymore. Librarians used to be all mean and whatnot. Now they're sexy and tolerant. What a bunch of crap.

I was in Orlando week before last and I'll have to tell you that it was off the chain. Orlando is the kind of place that made me think that I should definetly be in church after experiencing it. The Orlando Improv was just a blast. It has the perfect mixture of old and new. It reminded me of saloons that you see in old westerns except that the stage area had a brick wall and a large metallic 'IMPROV' sign. To get to the stage you walk out of the green room and then down a set of stairs that lead directly to the stage. It's one of the most unique setups I've seen to date. It allowed you to make a grand entrance. Awesome!

While I was in Orlando, I bought a banjo! Yes, I said a banjo. I figure that if you can't beat guitar acts that you might as well upstage them with an over the top banjo act by a black man. You may be interested to know (all of you who are snickering) that the banjo is originally an East African instrument. So there!!! I heard this group called Bela Fleck and the Flecktones and just couldn't get enough of bluegrass. Now all I need them to do is to mix Bela Fleck with some Jay Z and you can call the music cycle complete.

I never got a chance to see Mickey Mouse or any of his friends while I was there. And that might be because I was hardly awake during the day. And when I was it was to prepare my material and get ready for the next shows. The Improv is located on Church Street and most of the major clubs are located within 5 blocks of the club. Icon, Antigua... blah, blah, blah. We went all over the place. Stopped by Paris Hilton's club which is only about 50 yards away from The Improv. I think that on the next trip out of town I take I'll be telling you about the church that I visit on Sunday.

The shows were great and the staff in Orlando was awesome. Peace out to Tee and Krista and the rest of the gang. Alex U, Jersey, Toby Miller and the gimpy comic who took a dive down the stairs to the stage and sprained his ankle, helped to make my stay there an awesome stay. I can't wait to go back in September.

I've been thinking a lot about my friends at First Baptist (I just finished Isiah - still reading my way through it, y'all!) I'm hoping that they are all doing well. I send my prayers out to them all. Anyway, I think that the library is closing down and I know that in a few minutes they are going to start flicking the lights like it was last call at your favorite club.

June 29, 2005
I went to the gym a short while ago and now I'm enjoying the comfort of a semi-reclining chair at the library. I drove to Orlando from Richmond and back again in Giacomo. I've decieded to call the new car Giacomo after this years Kentucky Derby Winner. I hope that I'm spelling it right but if I'm not then so be it. It's not as if I'm doing a spell or grammer check on the rest of this diary. Anyway, the car is doing great. It gets great gas mileage and the air kicks like Jean Claude.

I got back to Richmond and worked the Apollo night at the Funnybone and had a ball. The crowd was hyped and we put on a great show. I worked the show with 'Doo Doo Brown'. Yeah, I said it. That's his name, what can I do about it. I'm not putting it on my resume. But I'll tell y'all about it. Here's the deal. I did radio with Doo Doo and It was not the best interview that I've seen. I've learned that the purpose of doing radio is to convey to the people listening that they are going to benefit themselves by coming out to the show. You have to pump the comedy club and which nights you are going to be there and what the people can expect. Some people do that better than others. I have gone out with quite a few of them to watch and learn how to do good radio. Doo Doo did not do good radio. He put on a great show but he did not do good radio. I'm tired of talking about Doo Doo. (I'm cracking up on the inside as I keep writing Doo Doo)

I worked the entire week with Jim Florentine and Ron Morey. Jim is the voice of 'Special Ed' on Comedy Central's Crank Yankers. He was a funny, down to earth guy. I'm fairly certain that he's a metal head. Ron Morey was the feature comic. According to Gary Menke, Ron is his oldest friend in the comedy business. I can see why. Ron is the kind of guy that you'd like to have as a lifelong friend. I had a blast working with these guys.

Have you ever been invited to a swingers party??? Well, I hadn't until this weekend. Fortunately or unfortunately, I was unable to attend. I'm not sure which it was. I've seen stuff like that on t.v. but I thought that only happened on t.v.. You live and you learn. I know that the summer time is when all the clubs slow down but I feel like some of my friends in the comedy world are taking a serious break from the business. Maybe I'm noticing this because I've taken a more serious approach to comedy or maybe it's because this is all I'm doing now. Either way I'm starting to realize more and more that people will come and go in this business. I just want to work! Until next time!

July 7, 2005
I was sitting at home last Thursday, thinking about how I didn't have any work for the week when I received a call from Gary Menke. He started small talking and so I knew that he was about to get to something. The emcee spot opened up in West Virginia at the new Funnybone Comedy Club and he knew that I had an open week. I jumped at the chance to take the gig because... well, it's work. The only problem was that I had to hop in my car almost immediately If I was going to make it to the show by 8:00. I was going to be gone for 4 days and all of my jeans were in the washing machine, and I'd just put my shirts in the dryer. Everything was wet. Everything. But for all of you who don't know. It takes approximately one hour doing 70 on the highway with the windows down to dry a T-shirt and about two and a half hours to completely dry a pair of jeans. Of course you have to lay them out pretty flat on either the passenger seat or in the back seat. I suggest that you lay the jeans on the passenger seat because at about an hour and fifteen minutes you're going to want to flip them so that you can get them dry all the way through. Otherwise, you're going to feel some moisture in the pocket and crotch areas.

West Virginia was awesome. Most of the stereotypes were completely shattered upon my arrival there. The club that they have is one of the most beautiful clubs that I've ever performed in. There isn't one bad seat in a place that seats about 300+. I got to work with Tim Wilson who can be heard on the Bob and Tom show as well as Johnboy and Billy. I've seen him perform before, when he came to Richmond, but I didn't get a chance to work with him then. I must say that he is by far my favorite entertainer who uses a guitar. I think that anyone that's read my diary knows how I feel about guitar acts but I can honestly say that I really liked his act. He has real talent as a songwriter and as a musician. Score one for the guitar people!

I also got to work with Maria Borgio out of Cleveland, Ohio. What a great person. We hit it off very well. Sometimes when you go to these different cities, you work with people that you only see at night. They come to work and then they're off to some dark cubby hole to make calls and ignore the people around them. Well, that didn't happen this weekend. We went to Starbucks and lunch a few times and helped each other with bits. It was awesome. Scott Randol took us to see War of the Worlds with Tom Cruise. I thought the movie was awesome until the last two minutes which basically messed up the rest of the movie for me. But what can you do? (Make my own movie!!!) Huntington, West Virginia (where I was staying), had their fireworks display on the second of July, for what reason I do not know. I don't know why I'm mentioning it, other than it crossed my mind. Also, I want to mention that the crew of the Funnybone in West Va. is awesome. AWESOME!!!! Rick, you've done a great job. I can't wait to get back there next week.

For now I'm off to Dover, Delaware and Salisbury, Md for the Comedy Zone and Heffron Talent. I'll let you know how that goes! Until next time, peace!

July 11, 2005
I took off on Friday to go to Dover, Delaware. The night before I stayed up painting this silk screening thing that I bought from Michael's Craft store. I'd mentioned to Kevin Rodriguez, the manager of the Funnybone Comedy Club in Richmond, Virginia that I wanted to get some t-shirts made but that I didn't have the money to get them made. He told me to try to make them myself. And so I did. When I got to Dover Downs Conference Center and Hotel (Casino and Hotel... who are they fooling), I went straight to my room. The room itself was pretty spacious but the bathroom was huge. I almost dropped my stuff off in the bathroom and slept there. I broke out the silk screening kit and got to making some t-shirts. I thought it was pretty cool that I could make them myself. I made about 8 shirts, of which about 3 of them came out looking like they were worth anything. Hey, I was making them myself, what can I say? Anyway I practiced my set a few times and then tried to wash the ink off of my hands before the show. This was the first show that I was doing for the Comedy Zone folks and I wanted it to be a good show. Luckily for me I'd done a feature set at the Funnybone in Virginia Beach two nights before. It felt awesome. The show that I did in Dover was awesome. I had a fun time with the people there. I don't know how many of them were there to hear comedy and how many of them were there to avoid losing any money for the next two hours, but either way they had a great time. The headliner, Lawrence Thomas, was a pretty nice guy. Paul, the emcee and manager of Christina's, made me feel immediately welcome.

The second night on the road for the Comedy Zones had me in Salisbury, Md. The show was held at a bar/restaurant called The Bottle Factory. It was a pretty cool show. There was no emcee for this show and so I got to act as the emcee and feature, which was cool because I did a little more time. The more the merrier. Plus the longer I stayed at the show, the longer I got to avoid trying to make the decision on whether or not to stay over night in Salisbury. You see, when I checked in, I went to my room, put my clothes on the bed and tried to make a few more t-shirts. After printing them up, correctly this time, I layed on the bed and tried to relax. As I lay there I noticed something moving on the bed sheets out of the corner of my eye. I looked up and saw nothing. I tried to relax again. There it was again. I bounced up and eyeballed the bedsheets. Suddenly I could see little black specks moving around, and the more I looked the more I saw. There were ants everywhere. They were on the bed and on the carpet and on the nightstand. I DON'T DO BUGS!!!!! I got up moved all my stuff over to the dresser where there weren't any signs of movement and then jumped in the shower. After the shower I got dressed, smacked off all of my remaining stuff and hit the road to the club. After my show I went back to the hotel and told them that I had ants in my room. Instead of saying, "Hey, lets change your room. We apologize about that sir!" They said, "Here's a can of ant spray!" WTF??? Are you serious? You want me to go back to my room, spray down the sheets and the rug and all surfaces of the room with a deadly spray, killing every ant in sight and then what? Who is going to vacuum the dead creatures up? Who is going to change the sheets in the room? Are you going to give me a mop and a bucket so that I can clean up the room while I'm at it? No thanks, I'm checking out. And so I hit the road around 1:30 am and made it back into Richmond around 6:00am.

I slept for a few hours before waking up and talking to my roommate Glen. By the way, I'm going to have to pay for one of Glen's kids to go through college, or pay to get them out of jail or something. Big ups to G-dog!!! We went to see Orny Adams at the Funnybone in Richmond on Sunday. I'm glad that I went because I got a chance to introduce myself to Orny and talk to him. I'd only seen the movie Comedian the week before and unfortunately I formed my opinions about the guy based on somebody's editing. After talking with him for a while I thanked God that I'm the kind of person that doesn't allow others to dictate how I think or feel about somebody. A persons words and actions speak for themselves. I also met Jeremy Schacter, the 'Schacter Factor', from New York. I hope you got some sleep buddy.

I'm going to be putting on a show at the Richmond Funnybone in September. I hope that you all will come out and support it. I'll let you know more as I work out the details. Until next time.


I've updated the pictures. Check em out!

July 12, 2005    I went to the 955 Club last night. Ryan Conner was headlining. Brian G. was the feature and I did a guest set along with two other comedians. It was a pretty fun night. Ray Bullock, you're all right with me. That's all I got to say about that. I'm at the library doing some other work and decided to put this little entry on-line. I really don't have anything to report except that I'm making some more t-shirts (more shameless plugs). I do want to say thank you to all of you who send me e-mails. I really appreciate them. Sometimes it may take me a while to reply so please be patient with me. Until next time.

July 31, 2005    Hey Y'all, I'm at the Improv Comedy Club in Tampa Florida. I'll hit you up with an updated diary entry very shortly. Kenya... it's on the way. And to the rest of you out there, I'm working on it. Peace.

August 15, 2005    I've been on the road and there's been a lot happening. All of which, I plan to tell you about. As soon as I get the time to sit down and type it out. I've been complaining about not having internet access when I'm out on the road and I'm here to tell you that it may no longer be a problem. I along with almost every other resident of Henrico County Virginia will be going to the fairgrounds tomorrow to see if we can get a used notebook from the government. It's kinda like a government cheese program except there will be people that make a good deal of money trying to get one of these. There have been people from all over the world that have been trying to get one of these computers (they are selling them for only 50 dollars), but sales have been limited to people who live in my county on a first come, first serve basis. I plan on being one of the first served. If my next entry starts out by telling you that I am at the public library then you will know that some soccer mom with an attitude ran over me with her stroller and juice drinks to beat me out for the last computer. Otherwise, you better knuckle up and guard your neck you MILFs. Until next time from my slightly used Apple notebook... peace!

August 16, 2005    I got a computer. It was a hot mess out there. I showed up to the fairgrounds around 4:15 and got into line behind about 350 people. It started out nice enough. And then more and more and more and more people started coming out of the woodworks. The vast majority of them decided to work with the program and get into line behind everyone that had gotten there before them. Some... on the other hand decided that they were going to just casually step in line where they felt like it and then not make eye contact with anyone. We were a very vocal crowd this morning. I met a man name Vijan who smelled of doritos and ass but was as nice as he could be. I guess that when you are getting up at that time in the morning and trying to make it to the lastest 'gold rush' you dispense with all of the traditions of proper hygiene. Vijan became particularily up upset with a group of what can only be described as ignant white trash, fresh from a taping of the Jerry Springer Show, tried to get in front of us. They were trying to mess with the program. How dare they. We bantered back and forth about how they had not been in line. They threatened us often with calling their husbands. Apparently to come and whop some ass. That never happened. I'm not sure but my guess is that their husbands, like their teeth, had long ago left them. Back to the craziness. As the sun came up and the deadline for the opening of the gates got closer and closer I could sense that everyone in line was getting a little anxious. By that time, any thing that resembled an orderly line was in the same black hole as the teeth and husbands of the previously mentioned skanks. By the way, this is such good therapy for me. It's because I knew that I was going to write about this that I didn't grab them by the throat. Anyway, There were people that had shown up at 6:55 and just decided that they were not going to wait in the line. At 7:00 the police officers (that's a whole other story) opened the gates to allow the cars that had parked in the circle in front of the fairgrounds to enter the grounds. Well, one car stalled out and then all hell broke loose. People just bumrushed the gates. It was at this point that I decided to get in touch with my christian wholesomeness? Nope! I took off like a bat out of hell. When I got to the gates I saw people getting crushed up against the fence and being pushed into trees. What a shame... for them. Once I got inside the gates I saw a girl being crushed by people that just didn't give a damn that they were stepping on her face. Did I help her? Of course I did. I swooped in like an action hero and wrapped my arm around her waist. I lifted her from off the ground and waited as she got herself together. Then I helped another man to his feet as he had fallen to his knees and was being knocked about the head and shoulders. After that I was out! Hey, if he couldn't find his sandles and she couldn't dress her own wounds then why should I? I waited in another line outside in the morning heat with a group of people that figured that 40 people at a time would be able to get into a doorway that would only allow one at a time. I got them to sing row, row, row your boat in the round. We laughed and sang and stood shoulder to shoulder for way longer than anyone should have to stand shoulder to shoulder with complete strangers. I need a shower and a computer. I got both. I'm typing my first diary entry from this computer which has wireless internet access and lots of other cool features. I need to update the operating system and do a few other things to it but for the most part I'm extremely happy with what I've got here. Hopefully this will help me stay up with this website while I'm on the road. And by the way, the woman and the baby are fine. That's a whole other story and I wasn't on that side of the stampede. Until next time.

August 17, 2005    Okay, I'm at the library, but only because they have the internet hookup here. I need to go with a internet provider. Any suggestions as to who I should go with? There are things that I want to do with this computer that I'm not sure that I am going to be able to do. But isn't it always the case that as soon as you get something you want something else. I think that's what happens to a lot of relationships. I could be wrong. Since I'm not in one. Ahhh, the dating scene. You ever think that you've met someone? You think that if the moon and the stars lined up correctly you could have found the one. You ever meet someone and feel like, "Hey, this feels magical. I feel all giddy like when I was a kid." ? What do you do when that happens? You know what I do? I go to Chipotle and get a big-A burrito. Then I fart that feeling out of my system. Love is for suckers... and the truly blessed. Anyway! I did the Apollo night last night at the Funnybone in Richmond. I hadn't done it in a while because I've been boycotting them. Don't ask. Lazy Lamont was the headliner on the show. He seemed like a funny guy but the crowd wasn't very into him. I'm not sure how or why but he lost them at some point and try as he might, he wasn't able to get them back. But, such is the life of a comedian. I'm thinking about driving to the beach tonight to check out the show down there. Other than that I know I still need to fill you in on the past month of activities. West Virginia, Ft. Lauderdale, Florida - Tampa, Florida - Virginia Beach, Virginia. As Thandi Woodard would say, "Good times!" Until next time.



August 22, 2005    I'm about to head on down to Tennessee. Giacomo has an oil change and the a.c. is working so I figure that I'll go ahead and put in the miles. I've got two one-nighters for the folks over at the Comedy Zone. It was suppossed to be a full week but I believe that there is a Nascar race somewhere in the area and you can rest assured that they won't be interested in laughing if Dale Jr. keeps racing like he has been. I can only hope that the crowds for the two shows that I'm doing are healthy crowds. I'm about to get gassed up to go. Peace for now.

August 23, 2005    I'm in a hotel room in Clarksville, Tennessee. As you can see from this entry, I have the ability to update the website from where ever I can get a connection. I should have no excuse for not updating this thing. Ladies... Chocolate and Midol! That's all I'm saying. Love ya A.B.!!! Don't think I don't...... Anyway, I'm on this gig for the Comedy Zone. I just finished about 10 hours of driving and I need to take a nap before the show tonight. I'll let you know how it goes. Peace.

August 25, 2005    It will be in November that i started this website. Wow! It's almost been a year. Anyway, I'm in Paducah, Kentucky. I crossed over the border into Illinois today with the headliner that I'm working with. His name is Steve Mingolla. We went to the world famous, Metropolis, Illinois. It's claim to fame is that it is the home of Superman. Actually what happened is that the people that made up Superman didn't even know that Metropolis, Illinois existed. Metropolis means 'Big Town' which I found out today. Now if you'll recall in the television show 'Superman', Metropolis was a very large city, akin to Chicago or New York. The Metropolis that I went to today looked more like Mayberry on the Andy Griffith show. Speaking of Griffith, that reminds me of a burning question that I have. You know how you never saw Clark Kent and Superman in the same place? Because they were the same people? Hmmmm?? Do you remember??? Well, I have my sneaking suspicions about "two" people. Have you ever seen Andy Dick and Kathy Griffin in the same room?????..... Nope!!!... Neither have I. Coincidence? I think not! ..... Anyway, I'm moving on...... I've got a show tonight in about 2 hours so I'm going to get ready for it in a short while. On Tuesday night I performed in Clarksville, Tennessee in front of a mostly military crowd. I'll say again that the main difference between some of the smaller venues and the larger ones is that the audience feels more inclined to interact with the comic on stage. It's an intimate feel, but sometimes too intimate. It was a good show. Jim the owner of the bar was cool and accomodating. Big ups to Donna! Afterwards I went to this little club called Tropicana where there were way to many 18 year olds for me. I'm feeling my age more and more. I met this girl once and said something about the movie 'Beat Street'. After she looked at me like I was retarded she asked me what Beat Street was. My how the years roll on. Also, I saw the most attractive one-legged girl I've ever seen. She looked at me funny because she thought that I was looking at where her leg should've been, but honestly I was looking at her onion because one leg or two she was fine...;.. Here's the kicker. T'his drunk girl with what appeared to be a nasty cold sore right in the middle of her upper lip kept talking to people as if it wasn't there. Hello!!! It's in the middle of your fricken lip!!! Did you not notice it when you left the house? And why are you drunk talking to people? She's all talking to them and they are giving her the back of their heads. Ah.. Hey, Biotch... did some spittle just fly out of your mouth and land on me??? Barkeep! I need two shots of 151 and a wetnap. One shot is for me to drink, the other shot is for me to dip the wetnap into so that I can use it to disinfect my ear. Get away from me skank!!!! And some plexiglass to keep this womans saliva from entering into my personal space. Why is she around me???..... Okay, enough about that. I'm off to make the magic again..... Hoop! I hope you're doing well my friend. Until next time..... By the way, I went to see Duece Bigalow today...wait for the video tape.

August 26, 2005    I'd already typed a bunch of stuff about what happened at the show in Paducah, Kentucky when I inadvertantly hit the wrong key and erased everything that I was going to say. So I'm not going to put it all back in here. Here's the bottom line. I performed in front of a hostile crowd. It took me about a third of my set to win them over and then when I asked if they knew who Al Sharpton was, someone said, 'Yeah, that's that nigger aint it?" I had 20 more minutes to perform after that. How do you handle that? I'm growing and evolving as a performer and as a person and I see everything that happens to me on the stage as a lesson to take with me to the next performance. It was an interesting night of 'comedy' and I learned a lot. Time to move on..... I was thinking about the comments that Pat Robertson made about the assassination of Chavez and came to the conclusion that the man has a very fundamental problem. This man is someone who preaches the Gospel of Jesus Christ and has called for the assassination of someone. Here's the kicker. Theoretically, isn't that what happened to Jesus. Didn't people call for his assassination? The theory being, get rid of one man to spare the lives of others? Although that was the plan from the beginning with Jesus, is that what it calls for with Chavez? I think not. What is really being taught here? Who is judging who? Politics or the Pulpit - pick one Pat. That's what's on my mind. Until next time, Peace

August 30, 2005
I just finished auditioning for a movie role. The movie is titled "Swedish Auto" And no it's not a porn movie. At least I don't think that it is. I was very excited about auditioning for the part of the cook, until I read that it called for a heavyset man. I am not heavy set. I exercise so that I don't become heavy set. I don't want to be heavy set. Anyway, I don't think that I will get the part. I still don't feel completely comfortable with the audition process. I guess that I'll just have to get over whatever it is in my head that's causing me to feel that way. It's wierd because as soon as I got into my car I thought of all of this stuff that I would have done with the character. I was ad libbing and coming up with all kinds of good stuff. But that was in my car and not in front of the camera. Oh, well!!! Better luck next time. I'm making progress on my own movie. I should have the rough draft finished by October 5. That also happens to be my buddy, Kenny Chu's birthday.

I've been thinking more and more about my experience in Paducah, Kentucky. I'm really okay with it. I got some good material out of the situation. People keep asking me if there were any black people at the show. There was this recently emancipated negro there. I swear he'd only days earlier heard that we were free. For all of you who don't know here's what happened. I was going into a bit about Al Sharpton and I asked if they knew who he was. Some guy in the audience pauses and then says with a straight face... "Ah, Yeah... That's that nigger aint he?" He said it as if it was a perfectly acceptable answer. Like people around him were not quite sure about who I was talking and then with his answer, it clicked in for them. "OOOOhhhhhh! Now I know! Yeah, the nigger! Okay, we're up to date, you can go on with the joke now! Like if he was on jeopardy, he would have actually said that.

Racist: Uh ,Alex, for 600 dollars the answer is "That Nigger"!

Alex Trebeck: It must be in the form of a question

Racist: Sorry bout that Alex... Uh, Who is "That Nigger"!

Alex Trebeck: And with that answer it moves Mr. Racist ahead of Ken Jennings... we'll be right back for final jeopardy!

I've got it out of my system now. Other than that It was a great gig. I got an e-mail from someone in the audience who apologized for the behavior of those who were acting like they had no home training. It meant a lot to me. Hopefully, I will get the chance to get back out to Paducah to perform. We'll see. My prayers go out to those people and families of the people in those areas effected by Hurricane Katrina. Peace. Until next time.

September 4, 2005    I'm catching flack from some people because of my diary entries. I've lost a fan to my seemingly hypocritical words. I was sent an e-mail asking how I could call someone 'ignant white trash' and then write about how someone in the audience used the word nigger. I got nothing on that. I'm still mulling it over. I was also attacked for writing about the girl with the cold sore on her lip... Just to let you know, I'm not a hater of people who have cold sores. In writing what I wrote I may have left some things out so I'll make it right. People with cold sores... not bad! People with cold sores who get drunk and try to kiss you or lick your ear and get all up in your space while spitting in your face... bad! If you're a wild drunk that's one thing, but if you're a wild drunk with a communicable disease, that's a whole different ball game. By the way, I'm not trying to mend any wounds here just yet. Simply trying to clarify some things......Yeah, I'm gonna think about this. Peace!

September 5, 2005    I had a great day and I hope that you all had a great day. I went to the last baseball game of the year for the Richmond Braves. They are the farm team for the Atlanta Braves. I got to spend the day with friends and had a wonderful time. I also completed updating the new format for the pictures. It should be much easier to navigate now. I'll be working this week at the Funnybone in Richmond, VA with Ralphie May. Right now I'm going to get ready to go to the 955 Comedy Club at Easy Street in Richmond, VA. Until next time, Peace.

September 9, 2005    Last week I was the driver for Aries Spears and Gerard. Giacomo wasn't used to having that amount of weight in her. I think she's going to be upset with me for a while.... I'm working this week with Ralphie May from Last Comic Standing and Celebrity Fit Club. It's awesome because he sells out the club. If I could explain the difference to you for performing in font of a sold out crowd that wants to hear some comedy and a crowd that came out to the show because they had nothing else to do then you would know why I'm having so much fun this week.... By the way, Ralphie likes Chipotle too. The feature act is a guy by the name of Billy Wayne Davis, out of Nashville, TN. Heck of a guy. I don't thinki that the Waffle House will ever be the same after last night.... I found out a short while ago that when I go down to Florida next week that I won't be working with Bob Saget, but instead I'll be working with two of the Latin king's of Comedy..... Ohhhhhh! I almost forgot. I've finished the rough draft for my first manuscript. YAY!!!!! I'm going to try to get the entire thing finalized by October the 5th but we'll see how that goes. But either way I'm one step closer to making my movie. YAY!!! Until next time, Peace!

September 28, 2005    I'm about to get ready to go to Bentz Street in Frederick, Md. I haven't been avoiding updating this diary, it's just that... I haven't been doing it. How many times can I say, 'I'll get right on it!', and then not do it? Anyway, I worked last week in Orlando, Florida with Phil Palisoul. Very funny cat. Comedy comes in all kinds of shapes and sizes. It's unfortunate that a lot of people don't realize that. I've had the great fortune of being able to work some of the best rooms on the planet. And because of this I've gotten to work with some of the most trusted names in comedy. I hope that it's a trend that continues. But if it doesn't, you'll be the first ones to know about it. I've gotta get gassed up. I'll let you know how it goes. Peace for now.



October 22, 2005    Okay! It's been a long time since I've updated this thing. I'm just sooooo past apologizing for not getting it done that it's silly. I had my head in the movie script that I was trying to write. I got it done. To the detriment of other things but I got that done. I had a self imposed deadline of October the 5th, which happened to be the birthday of my buddy, Kenny Chu. I had it about 95 percent done at twelve oclock that night. I'd been doing some fast and furious typing. I think that you are all going to be very proud of what we turned out. Just to let you know I've established a new website dedicated to getting this movie made. You can go the news page and find the link. I guess that I need to put up a link on the links page. I also started a bulletin board so that you can go and register and post your own comments.... / ...... I've been to Florida and Washington D.C. and North Carolina over the past few weeks and have performed with Phil Palisoul and Robert Schimmel. I've also done some other gigs with some other folks but this is what I'm mentioning for now. I was most recently in Newport News, Virginia working with Charlie Wiener. I had a great weekend with Charlie at Cozzy's Comedy Club. I always have a great time there. It's a small intimate club where all of the folks that work there seem like a family. It's the kind of place that I would want to work if I was going to get a 'regular' job. But for now I'll have to be content telling jokes on stage. I love it. I'm going to get back to this when I start remembering some of the details of the past few weeks. For all of you that have come back to this diary day after day hoping to find a new entry, all I can say is... I wrote a movie and it's going to be worth it. You better believe that!!!

October 24, 2005
I'm at the public library and I've got bubble gut! I guarantee that this isn't going to be a long entry because the lady next to me keeps looking at me real funny like. My stomach is making way too much noise. I'm about to get gung-ho on the t-shirt sales. By the way... if you're reading this and you haven't gotten a t-shirt yet, you can order one on line. I guess that I need to put a link directly to the shirts. But until then you can click onto the other site and get one that way.

I saw my buddy Rick Younger on a Verizon commercial the other night and yesterday and today. Good for him! I'm happy and proud of him and wish him continued success. Keep doing your thing man! Anyway, I just wanted to check in. This lady really wants me to move. I'm just making noise on the inside. I haven't lost complete control... yet. I'll holla at you next time. I've got to get ready for West Virginia. Here I come.

November 1, 2005    Okay, It's almost been a year now that this website has been up. WOW! Anyway, I was in West Virginia this week working at the Funnybone Comedy Club and Restaurant in beautiful downtown Huntington. It was a blast. I worked with Scott Henry and Pete Lee. Both of the guys are from the mid-west. Pete is in the process of moving to New York and Scott has been in L.A. for a while now (hopefully I'll have two new couches to crash on for those short trips out there)...../..... It's always a pleasure to work with guys that you hit it off with. This week was one of the best weeks that I've had in the business as far as positive vibes go. Maybe it's because I'm getting more comfortable in this business or maybe it's because they are so comfortable in it... I don't know, but either way it was great. The crowds in Huntington were awesome, except for the second show on Saturday. I could have fired them and replaced them with non-union audiences. I don't know what it was but they were the tightest audience that I've faced in a long time. And trust me, they held on to their laughs like laughs were going up in value the next day and they didn't want to be without....../..... If you don't know... halloween in Huntington, West VA last for a total of three days. These people drink anyway and didn't need an extra reason to pick up a bottle. There were costumes, and hooting and hollering and all kinds of stuff going on that I'm sure would get me arrested if I even typed about it....../...... I packed up my stuff this morning and headed to Cincinnati. I made it just in time to roll with Tina, the club manager, to the radio station. I'm working with a guy named 'Black Boy' tonight on the 'Wiz' night. It should be fun. We'll see how it goes. I'll let you know. By the way.......... Still working on the movie. It's going to happen. I gave it to the mother of my muse. I wanted her to give me her honest opinion of it. WOW! When you ask for an honest opinion, be prepared for it. Luckily I was. I got some very constructive criticism as well as a couple of high marks. But I mention all of this to say, It's a work in progress. And, even though it's my first screenplay, I'm going to put out the best product that I can possibly put out. This isn't like the clay pot that I made for my mom when I was in the third grade. Let me tell you, that was the best clay pot that she could have gotten from a third grader since my brothers third grade clay pot. This is going to be the best product that it can possibly be. I know that I might take a few punches here and there but It's going to get to where it needs to be....../...... until next time. Peace!

November 2, 2005    I'm in my hotel room eating White Castle chicken sandwiches and cheeseburgers...../..... okay, you don't realize this but I just paused to finish eating the goo that I just ate. I know it's not the best food in the world for you but, have you ever had White Castle? It's not supossed to be good. It is what it is!...../..... It is almost 2:00 in the morning and I can't get to sleep. I started feeling bad on the ride into Cincinnati. When I got here, I was informed that the hotel was booked solid. Instead of checking in, I went to the radio station with Tina, the comedy club manager. Radio was pretty good, I'm starting to step up to the plate as far as interviews go. By the way, I worked with "Black Boy" from Atlanta on the WIZ show at the Funnybone. When we got back to the hotel from radio, I was told that they had a room. A smoking room. I don't smoke. At that point I didn't care. I just wanted to get into a room and relax. When they gave me the key to the room I was told that the water was off and would be back on in about an hour and a half because they are remodeling...../..... three hours later the water was still not on. I'd just finished driving 3 hours in a car with the windows rolled up and the heat on. I needed a shower. I wanted a shower. I could not get a shower. Suddenly, the water came flushing through the pipes. I turned the hot water on to discover that it was brown and then red and then a lighter shade of red and then.... lets just say that the water had a funny yellowish hue to it that didn't seem to be going anywhere. Let me just say that this is a nice hotel and I've stayed here before. I've always had good experiences here and have received only the best service from any and all of the staff. That being said, I couldn't take a shower. I didn't know what was making the water the color it was but I didn't want it on my body. But I couldn't go to a show without being clean. So... I went old school. I took a wash-up with a couple of bottles of bottled water that I had in my bags. If you want anything to make you feel like you're in the country or that you're under 10 years of age, just take a wash-up. I know that women do it all the time, but I like to get in the shower! I'm done with this subject, except to say that the water is working fine now....../..... Also, I went to Wal-Mart and bought some Claratin and some Echinacea (in pill form) and some Ester-C. I can't afford to catch a cold now. I've got a lot of talking to do. I'll holla at y'all later. Until next time, Peace!

November 11,2005    I got to work with Tommy Davidson and Chris Porter this week. It was awesome. Saturday night - first show was one of the coolest shows that I've ever done. About five minutes before I went on stage to introduce Tommy Davidson to the crowd, I was told by Tim, Tommy's security, that I was to not give him the mic when he got on stage, but that I was to introduce Bootsy Collins and have him come on stage to sing Happy Birthday to Tommy. What was so cool about it was that a guy,Brandon, had done a guest set earlier. During his set he did a joke and impersonation about Bootsy so when I got on the stage I told everyone that Brandon was going to come back on stage as Bootsy Collins to sing Happy Birthday to Tommy Davidson. When I introduced Brandon, Bootsy came on stage and the crowd went wild. It was one of the most fun things that I've gotten to do as an emcee....../..... Chris Porter is hilarious! I'll be talking to you.

November 17, 2005    I did the Apollo Night at the Funnybone in Virginia Beach..... - Booooooooooooooo Booooooooooooooo Booooooooooooooo Booooooooooooooo Booooooooooooooo Booooooooooooooo Booooooooooooooo Booooooooooooooo Booooooooooooooo Booooooooooooooooooo! Get off the stage you bum!!!!!!!! Where's the Sandman?????????? Will somebody please find the emcee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Boooooooooooooo Booooooooooooooo Booooooooooooooo Booooooooooooooo Booooooooooooooo Booooooooooooooo Booooooooooooooo Boooooooooooooooo!!!! It was historical! I loved every minute of it.

November 27, 2005    I don't know if this is going to be one of those entries that you just don't read because it's too long or what, but I have a lot to say. It's been over a year since I've had this website and it's been a lot of fun learning how to manuever between pages and adding new features and figuring out what was the best layout for me and my personal tastes. I did it with the help of people who have been concerned about my well being since before I got back into comedy, as well as with the input of those whom I've met since. It's been a wonderful journey so far. I often tell people that I feel like Neo from the movie The Matrix. He was given the choice to take the blue pill or the red pill. One pill would take him back to the life that he had always known. It was a life that was well structured and predictible. The other pill would take him in a direction for which he had no idea of its destination. In the movie it seems like such an easy choice for him. For others, like myself, it was a little more serious in nature. It was real. This past year, I spent my time trying to see just how far the Rabbit Hole goes. I still have no idea as to its depths. I just know that if this is the freefall that leads to the fufillment of dreams, then I'm glad to have taken the plunge. I'm surviving on hopes and dreams, hard work and dedication, great business sense and luck, great networking and chance encounters. I've had friends who believe in me, help me out with transportation and housing. I've had family who are supportive in their confusion about my career choice loan me gas money to get to a gig. As the gigs get closer and closer together in their dates and the paychecks get a little better, I've found myself not worried about having to borrow money for gas. Any night that I find myself asleep in the car between gigs is because I was too tired to drive and couldn't make it to the next exit that may or may not have a hotel or motel at it, not because I couldn't afford a hotel. Let me tell you, choosing between gas to get to the next gig and a hotel is no choice at all. You can't pursue your dreams if you can't pursue your dreams. I'm hoping that in the next two weeks you'll see the schedule section of this website filled to the brim with gigs from sea to shining sea. It's what I've been working for and it's what I'm looking for. This is such an interesting business that I'm in, but it is a business. It is a business that I've been watching and learning for the past almost two years. That's right I think that in May of 2006, I will have been back in this business for 2 years. I think that I'll have a party to mark the occasion. I do know that I'm using the New Year to mark my professional into the world of comedy and so with that being the case, this coming New Years will be my one year anniversary as a professional comedian. It has been a wonderful trip so far and I thank all of you who have taken that trip along with me. I hope to be able to make you all proud. That is one of the driving factors in why I do what I do. Friends, family, my community all play a factor in the actions that I take in my life. O.K. that's about enough mushy stuff for now........./......... I'm putting myself on a serious writing program. I finished my movie and turned my pen towards writing jokes once again. Now my goals are to be able to put aside enough money to make this movie. In the mean time I'm working on my craft... telling jokes........./......... For all of you who were wondering about the previous entry into this diary, here's what happened. Simply put... I got booed. I didn't get booed off the stage, because I refused to leave the stage. The audience wasn't feeling me. They wanted dick jokes and I was trying to do political humor. they wanted dirty and I was giving clean. The Apollo night shows are in a league of their own. I knew what they wanted and expected and I didn't give it to them and so I earned every boo that I got. But in doing so I kept my self respect and personal dignity. I know who I am in this comedy business and there are things that I'm not willing to do. One of which is to be someone other than who I am. I represent myself on stage and when I leave the stage I have to sleep with my mind. I sleep soundly. Some crowds come in to hear what they want to hear and will hear nothing else. I am me! Basically what the audiences are saying is that it doesn't matter who is on stage performing because they are saying the same thing. Same jokes - insert new person. Same frame of mind - insert new person. A lot of comedians who do great on those shows wonder why they can't separate themselves from the cluster of comics that come through there. I'll tell you why! You are a known entity in a formula with only one variable... you! I'm not different because I try to be. I'm just me. Can't be nobody else. Don't want to be. I can thank my Mom and Dad for that. Sure it took them years to beat it into me, but I finally got it and won't let go of it. I like being me. Until next time.

December 11, 2005    I'm in Hollywood, Florida. It's my last day down here. I'm working with Jeremy Hotz. That dude is funny. I realize that my sentences seem kind of choppy here, but I'm watching t.v. and thinking about the death of Richard Pryor. Wow! May he rest in peace and laughter. He's on his way to do a private gig for God! Anyway. I'll get back to this later. Still waiting on dates for the upcoming year. But what can you do? Just keep plugging away at it. Have I mentioned how well the shows have been going down here. We've been on fire this weekend. Thursday's show was kind of light, but Friday's shows and Saturday's shows were off the hook. I'm off to get prepared for tonights show. Gotta shower and do the verbal exercises. Yes, I do verbal exercises. I talk for a living. It's part of the job. By the way, my nephew turned 8 on the 9th of December. I called him up to wish him a happy birthday. Here was his reply... "Okay! Bye!" Apparently he'd gotten a new video game for his birthday and I am no match for a new video game. What can you do? Thank God that my self esteem doesn't rely on his attention. Peace until next time.

December 22, 2006    I performed at the Funnybone Comedy Club and Restaurant tonight. I was the feature act on the show. The headliner was Andy Hendrickson. It was a great show. It's funny to see how some of the employees react to seeing me do longer sets. They don't often get the chance to watch because they are working. But tonight was a little more laid back for them. After the show, we were sitting around in the green room when people started smelling smoke. We went running around the building trying to find out where it was coming from. It was stronger in some places than in others, but wasn't coming from any place that you would think that a fire would start. After looking all around the club, someone went outside and noticed a crowd staring at the roof of the restaurant adjacent to the Funnybone. Sure enough there was smoke coming from the building next to us. Ironically, the name of the restaurant that was on fire is 'Firebirds' Apparently it's not their first time catching fire. I called the manager, Kevin, who is on vacation for a week and told him that Firebirds was on fire. To which he replied, "Again?!" Anyway, I have footage of the fire because I had my camera on me. I'm trying to get a good tape to send out to bookers and so I'm trying to tape everything. My set was on fire and so was the building next to us. How awesome is that. And just in case you're wondering, no one was hurt in the blaze. And that's why I probably won't be able to sell my footage to the news station. But we'll see. Until next time, peace.

December 25, 2005    It's Christmas Day and I got to spend it with my family. I got everything I wanted for Christmas. I got love and affection from most of the people that matter to me. If I didn't talk to you or write to you or e-mail you on Christmas Day, please forgive me and know that this entry is for you. Merry Christmas!!! Last week I got to work in my home club, The Funnybone Comedy Club and Restaurant in Richmond, Virginia. It was an awesome experience for me because I got to feature for the week. It was a short week, but it was still nice to be able to stretch my wings in my home club..... You know, when I feature in other clubs or close in some, It doesn't seem as big a deal as featuring or closing in my home club. I think its because people that have been there have seen me from the first days when I was knocking the rust off. They see me all the time and kind of get used to me. When I go to a club that I've never been to or haven't been to in a while, the reaction to my performance is much different. They don't know what to expect. They don't have any preconceived notions about who I am or what I'm going to do. That's not true in my home club. They know me. At least they think they do. I surprised a few folks this week, to no surprise to me. It was nice. I think they got to see me the way folks who don't get to see me, see me! Are you following me? Am I making sense?... It doesn't matter. This is my diary......./........ I got to work with Andy Hendrickson. He's a funny guy from the D.C. area. What a great week. The crowds were about half full for the four shows, but they were great. Fridays second show crowd was awesome. It was a blast. I can't wait to get to perform there again......./....... I'll be in Virginia Beach next week with Gary Owen. I think that I'm the emcee, but I'll find out when I get down there. The funny thing is that I'd never seen Daddy Day Car, which he's in, until today. It was playing on t.v. in some sort of marathon. If you don't know, Gary Owen played, Mr. Carrot/ Mr. Broccoli. I've worked with him a few times before and had a blast. I think that I'll write about my experiences in Florida in another entry. This one's getting a bit long....../........ Oh, by the way, I have another revision to do the movie before it's the way I want it and then I'm gonna shop the hell out of the thing. We'll see what happens. Until next time, Peace.